3971. Snoopy

Snoopy has been as much a failure at love with female dogs as his owner Charlie Brown has been at baseball and kite flying. In early 1965, he met a girl beagle at an ice skating rink and fell in love. However, his girlfriend's father forbade marriage between the two; "he could never allow his daughter to marry an obedience school dropout", as Snoopy put it, and so turned to eating to attempt to forget her. It didn't work: "I'll always have a few memories and a fat stomach", he griped. Later that same year he met her again on the beach and tried surfing to impress her, only to wipe out. Charlie Brown told Snoopy he'd been making a fool of himself for nothing; the girl beagle in question had been seen walking on the beach with a golden retriever, which broke his heart all over again. In 1977, he met a female while serving as guard dog for Peppermint Patty, fell in love with her, and gave her a proposal of marriage. But he was crushed on his wedding day when she ran off with the "best beagle", Spike, although when they arrived in Needles, she left Spike for a coyote. (Snoopy's Getting Married, Charlie Brown follows this same storyline, except Snoopy's bride-to-be ran off with a golden retriever.) In 1970, he went to the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm (where he'd allegedly taught Sunday school at one point) to give a 4th of July speech. However, as he was about to begin, he was beaned with a supper dish by anti-Vietnam War protesters, and a full scale riot broke out, during which police used tear gas to control the crowd. In all the confusion, Snoopy ran off the podium and was lost in the crowd. While blinded by tear gas, he felt a girl beagle's paws, but the tear gas prevented him from seeing her. By the time Charlie Brown had tracked her down, the farm informed them that she'd been sold, thus breaking Snoopy's heart again. By this time, Snoopy had regained his vision. "What do you do?" Snoopy woefully asks, and then immediately answers: "Back to eating!" And in the TV special Life Is a Circus, Charlie Brown, Snoopy met a circus-performing female French poodle named Fifi and fell so hopelessly in love with her, he left Charlie Brown to join the circus as "Hugo the Great". But eventually, he tried to take Fifi with him when he ran away from the circus. Fifi, after considering a while, would have no part of it, feeling that her proper place was the circus. They parted ways, again leaving Snoopy brokenhearted. It is said that Snoopy's only regret was that he was not a Golden Retriever, as his loves usually fall for one. Snoopy frequently falls for Lucy van Pelt, and when he kisses Lucy, she yells in disgust about having been "kissed by a dog" and having "dog germs". However, he has also been seen kissing the other female characters, who are far more accepting of his gestures than Lucy is. Snoopy also served a short term as the "Head Beagle," the dog apparently in charge of all other dogs in the world. The pressures and responsibilities of the job became too much for him, and he was replaced.